It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
