I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
