i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
