i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
