I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
