That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
