If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We need to get me chipped asap
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
