You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
