if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
