Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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