hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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