The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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