On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
