no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
