she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hippo gnu deer
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
