This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
