Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize