just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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