Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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