mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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