there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
