A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize