**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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