you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
