there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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