I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
