and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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