there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
