You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
