they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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