hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
