You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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