I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
