i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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