They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
