just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
