I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
