her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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