i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
