i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think your dad took our porno
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
