We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize