I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
