i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
