Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
