While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
