i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
