I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
