i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize