This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
