My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
