I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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