Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
