I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize