why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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