Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I intend to get homeless drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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