i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
