Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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