Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
