Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
