Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
