she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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