i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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