ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
