im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So. Much. Porn.
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