Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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