my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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