I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
