VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
