Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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