Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize