Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
