My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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