I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize